Kawaii Bean
by Keiyou
Summary: Ed get's himself in a spot, and a certain green haired homunculus may be his only way to escape. Story written on a self challenged binge of sugar and boredom.


Keiyou: I thought and thought about this. Since writing chapter five for Illegal Nerve I decided one of my lesser sins from the past should finally be given a place on ... minus the alternate ending that came with it, but it's a start. Beware it's not an Ed/Win but a loose Ed/Envy. Created during a bored challenge I made for myself while on a binge of junk food and energy drinks.

-deep sigh-

Presenting: Kawaii Bean.

(comma's represent thinking, and keep in mind this is an alternate universe, so Envy isn't a little dangly whatever the hell he became in the manga)

--

Ed Elric backed away steadily from the ally he had turned down to rest his overwalked legs in, hoping to keep the guys in gang affiliated garb from stalking him lest he make himself noticeable. It's not like Ed had deliberately meant to see the drugs being traded back and forth, but for whatever reason Ed had approached the area at a horrible time to have perfect vision.

_'I saw nothing, I heard nothing... the last thing I need is trouble in Central, I have my own shit to worry about.'_

Ed hurried in his backward pace, his hands in the air in a gesture to reassure the snake-like bunch that he would keep his trap shut.

"OMPH!"

Ed coughed out as he backed into a solid form behind him. He turned around sharply just to stare at a barreled chest of a man who obviously spent many heavy hours at a gym, with two other brawny guys that appeared to be his lackeys standing next to him and grinning in a sadistic fashion.

_'Typical. So much for taking a simple walk...'_

"Pardon me, I didn't see anything, Gentlemen." He said, emphasizing the word _Gentlemen _in hopes they would take it as a compliment and ignore him. As Ed moved to side step the behemoth he felt his right arm get gripped by the Armstrong impersonator.

"Automail..." the man said indicating he could feel the cold cylindrical shape under Ed's coat sleeve.

_Before using the same hand to snap it off from the elbow down!_

"Wha-?!" Ed shouted, dropping to his knees, the biting pain of the ripped and detached nerve wires jolted his senses.

_'What the hell?'_

Was all he managed to think before the same guy grabbed him by the back of his collar and tossed him back toward the circling gang like a child would toss a rubber ball.

Ed bounced off of his left shoulder harshly before landing back on the pavement, his vision full of dirty concrete and small pebbles. He groaned as a heavy boot held him down on his side, crushing at his abdomen.

"I think he seen us trad'in, Bosk." Drawled a gangly man, kneeling down to stare Ed in the face with cold malice.

"He look lika ruffian." Another guy said.

"Wonder if 'es got any money?" another one droned after.

"Well," Said the one who snapped his arm as he drew a hunting knife from a leather sheathe at his side.

"Let's find out."

Ed was jerked to his knees by two goons. With the hunting knife the one they called Bosk gestured to two other guys to frisk Ed for anything he might be carrying. While they did the boss slid the front of the knife under Ed's chin, forcing him to look up.

The monster only smiled at Ed's trademark glare, a glare that should have almost if not literally killed a man of lesser stature. Which was odd because man can't get any lower than using an entire squad to take down one person, right?

"Blond hair..." He suddenly said while the goons still searched Ed for anything of value.

Only Ed didn't care about the frisk anymore, oh no; not when the one holding the weapon at neck-point also looked as if he had been a little kid given a free mountain of candy that he could eat right on the spot.

As if to prove the twisted analogy, the man licked his lips.

Ed blanched, the glare dying all together. Bosk had begun raking his eyes over Ed, slowly up and down, making Ed about nervous to the point he wished he could shrink into his clothes like a turtle and hide himself.

"Bosk," One of the guys said at last as the friskers stepped away from him. "All he's got is a wallet wit three mints in it."

Of course he did. Ed liked to carry cash with him, be it either on one of his missions or on a noble hunt for a fine dine-in resteraunt. Only when it came to just taking a walk to ease his mind and relax he left everything in the care of his younger brother, Alphonse. Including his watch. Which he now regretted leaving behind if only for the small hope that it's universal symbol would have made gangs like this leave him the hell alone.

"Screw that." Their boss said still eyeing Ed in that creepy over look. "I got's me a better deal here than some chump change."

A younger looking gang member with an eye patch came away from the small crowd up to Bosk. He seemed to know the big man quite well, judging by the questionable look on his face, as if he could read his boss's mind.

"You want'n action already, Bosk?" He whispered to him. "I know you got a thing for blonds but is that any reason ta be-"

"Like your in any position ta say somethi'n, Aien!" Bosk said fixing daggers in the guy's direction. "Your jus' lucky your my cousin, that's why I let you get off so easy for loosing me the last one!" He made a gesture with his thumb at his own eye and it seemed to give the guy Aien a reason to back off.

"Grab him up!" Bosk suddenly said turning to Ed's holders. Ed was lurched up from the ground, oh how he wished he could clap his feet together to do alchemy right now...

"Git him inside." The guy said, stepping forward, taking a lock of Ed's flaxen bangs and twisting it in his brawny fingers. "There's some stuff I gotta get" He said to his derelict crew. "I'll be back later." With a swift release of the hostage hair, the man turned and left the ally. Poor Ed was left to ponder...

_'Thing for blonds?'_ He thought, turning to look at the Aien guy that questioned his boss. _'What the fuck is that suppose to mean?'_

Ed struggled and bickered as they dragged him through the door and away from any hope of potential help.

--

Later on Ed, under his own misfortune and 'don't have to live like a refugee' attitude, was gagged and bound with a rope that strapped his only good arm and his stub of an automail to his sides while his feet were roped together with a different twine.

He was dragged backward into a dank room where only a single hanging bulb emitted light, and tossed onto something soft, the back of his head hitting something velvety and fluffy.

"You got really unlucky, Boy." said Aien, looking genuinely sorry for Ed. "I'd help you but I already got me into trouble helping the last one." He fingered his eye patch with his left hand, which was missing it's pinky and middle finger. "I hope you understand."

"Naa Ie Dun Unr- (No, I don't under-)" Ed stopped talking. Anything he said sounded mute because of the damn gag that they stuck in his mouth trying to shut him up. Aien turned, ignoring Ed's words and walked for the door he dragged Ed through. "It's best to just shut up and go along or else you'll be endi'n up dead."

Ed heard the door shut and lock with those last words.

Ed lie where he was put, perplexed as he stared blankly at the dark ceiling.

_'Go along with what? Does he want me to act like some sort of hostage or ransom trade over seeing the drugs? What could this prick possibly be thinking? This is so fucking stupid!'_

Turning himself as best as he could, he discovered he was staring at the edge of a mattress. Looking around he spotted the thing his head hit was a pillow. With forced strength he arched himself up to where he was sitting up on the bed so he could observe the surrounding area.

On a wooden table nearest the bed were a dozen or so trinkets while on the floor lie haphazardous clothes and a whip.

A whip... freaky.

If the sight of the room wasn't enough to rouse the Fullmetal Alchemist's suspicion, on the far end of the wall he spotted a chain sticking out of it. With investigating eyes Ed looked closer at the strange addition in the already weird room, he spied two cuffs hanging from both ends of the chain.

_'Are those prison shackles?'_

He pondered. Why the hell would a drug man need those for? Some medieval method to interrogate his enemies or probably torture them perhap-

Suddenly something went click. It was a click that he didn't like at all, like the click of a timed bomb set to explode.

That same feeling made the air falter in his lungs, his heart rapidly responding to the sudden change that took place in both his bodily functions and in his mind.

_bah-bum...babum...bah-BUM...BA-BUM!_

If that one thought hadn't entered Ed's mind he would have been totally oblivious till it was too late.

How could he have not seen this earlier?!

Ed had been hearing things floating around Headquarters about gangs that have been taking random people off the street, didn't matter the gender or ethnicity, and being forced into sexual activities before getting found weeks or months later either dead or alive and left with too many emotional scars to say what had happened to them.

It wasn't that the guy wanted Ed as a ransom.

**Because it was Ed HIMSELF that he wanted! **

Ed felt himself filling with dread.

"Holy shit..."

He said behind the gag in a weak voice that did not sound at all like his own, a guttural sob of disgust and self pity leaking out with it.

Never in his life did he imagine he would be trapped in a situation like this.

_Never!_

With gusto Ed prodded at the gag with his tongue and teeth and spitted it out when it loosened. He then threw himself over the side of the bed, ignoring the sharp pain where he landed on his already abused shoulder and rolled himself away from the bed, stopping on his back. Using his bound feet he scooted them toward himself until the back of his knees hit his upper thighs and arched his head up, ignoring the sting of his abdomen tightening up until he could feel his knees against his fore head. Then he shifted all his weight to the balls of his feet and slowly lifted himself up from the floor to where he was standing.

It was definitely moments like this that he was grateful for all the heinous training his teacher Izumi had put him and his brother through.

He hopped to the middle of the room, stopping momentarily to search panickingly for something to cut his bonds.

Not even a sharp edge could be found.

He knew damn well he was useless in the alchemy department since the boss guy had already guaranteed that by leaving a useless stub where his right forearm used to be. Also the chances of finding a piece of chalk in the room would be a million to one long-shot. Even if there was how the hell could he pick one up with his only good arm tied behind his back?

Ed shut his eyes tightly as he shook from the fear that continued to swell with each faltering breath he took, his throat burning with soured pride as he came dangerously close to the realization that he couldn't find a way to es-

_No! That's impossible!_

His eyelids began feeling too heavy to keep back the tears of frustration that welled from the sides of his eyes.

"Damnit!!" He shouted, hopping across the room to the door, ramming his automail shoulder into it roughly. Which again to his misfortune wouldn't give out if only for the fact it was a cold metal thing as well.

"LET ME OUT!!" Ed yelled repeatedly, cursing loudly as he hit the door with jarring force. On another ill attempt at braying the door he had shoved far too heavily and gravity that dictates the action reaction phase almost sent him going backwards until a quick back hop saved him from possibly knocking his head on the concrete floor behind him.

He moved to hit the door again, only this time it was in a half-hearted attempt.

It finally hit home, the devastating realization he fought so hard to ignore.

_There was no way to escape._

_There was no way to get help._

_There was no FUCKING way he was going to escape!_

_He was going to be-_

Ed dropped to his knees, his head propped against the steel door. His shoulders shook as he whimpered.

"Please... let me out."

The floor below was graced with the salty tears from the lost eyes that had accepted that there was no hope. His voice coming barely at a whisper as he begged.

"Please..."

Suddenly Ed heard the lock switch from the other side of the door, his heart jumped painfully in his chest as he threw himself backward and pushed himself away from the opening door.

He moved until he backed right into the front of the large bed, his back hitting the metal frame harshly.

"P-please don't do this, please!" Ed pleaded behind tear blurry eyes to the large figure that leaned against the frame of the door. "I promise I won't tell anyone what I saw, I swear! Ju-just please let me go!" He gasped loudly as the figure continued into the room, Ed shut his watery eyes tightly, listening only to the heavy footed steps as they entered.

"Tisk tisk... crying your eyes out? I expected better from you."

Ed stopped rambling, his eyes snapped open in surprise.

_'That voice...'_

"Looks as if you got yourself into quite the storm, eh, Chibi?"

Ed suddenly knew who it was that stood at the door.

And he was NOT happy!

"**Who are you calling so short he's the last to know when it rains?!"**

The boss figure blinked in confusion before chuckling and closing the door behind him. "I never said any of that, moron."

Ed scoffed, his demeanor returning to him in full swing considering a few moments ago he was convinced his world was over.

Of course it could still very well be over.

After all, Envy was the only Homunculus that wanted him dead, right?

Ed watched as the artificial human warped back into his androgynous and palm leaf haired self.

"What do you want, Envy?" Ed said rubbing his tear stained face against his shoulders trying to get rid of the wetness that still clung there. "I doubt you came here because you were worried about me."

Envy pretended to look mortifyingly hurt at Ed's words. "Oh, your so rude, Chibi. I just happened to be in the neighborhood when I saw you at the mercy of these street rats here." Envy laughed like he found it was amusing. "That was golden, the Great Chibi Alchemist bested by a third rate street gang!" He looked around the room, spotting the wall shackles and whistled lowly. "And in a very VERY compromising situation no less..."

Ed was about getting fed up with being called small. Although on the other hand it was a lot better having Envy there instead of the sicko who planned to- Well; it was much better to have Envy around none the less.

A thought started forming in Ed's mind. Perhaps he could somehow convince Envy to- Wow. that one was WAAAY too much of a long shot. Ed decided to go for it anyway.

"Hey," He began slowly. "Do you think you could-"

"What? Save you?!" Envy laughed, finishing Ed's words with evil mirth. "Don't be stupid; this is a priceless moment!" Envy gestured to the room. "I was going to hang around and watch you get humiliated, Chibi!"

Ed's face faltered. He should have known better.

Envy turned from Ed, looking the dingy area over. "Now the only thing left for me to do is decide what I should disguise myself as. The thought of you in mind bending torture is so much fun since I'm not allowed to kill you dumb insect sacrifices, it makes me ill-"

"Equivalent Exchange..."

Envy stopped taking room inventory and turned back toward Ed. The blond looked down at the floor where he sat bounded, a serious demeanor marked his face.

"What's that?" Envy questioned. Looking at the alchemist he almost found it oddly alluring the way he lie, exposed and helpless to anything.

"I said equivalent exchange, Envy." Ed repeated. "If you help me get out of this place I'll give you something in return."

Envy was about to make a snide remark that fell along the lines of convincing his 'Father' that it was okay to kill Ed, until he recalled his earlier thought of how the bound blond looked to him. Also it left him to wonder if perhaps maybe he could _really_ get something out of what the Chibi Punk just said to him.

Ed continued to keep the set look of concentration as Envy walked toward him. Envy got down on knee-level with Ed and he too adopted a serious look.

"Equivalent exchange; eh, Chibi?" He said. "You sure? Frankly I'm the last person, or creature you'd want to bargain with."

"I know…" Ed said, forcing himself to look up and keep eye contact with Envy.

"But in all honesty; I'd rather bargain with someone familiar to me."

How Envy took those words, Ed didn't think about.

Envy sighed, getting up from the floor. "I can't say no with you being so cooperative…" he said at last. "Alright, Chibi. We'll trade."

Ed sighed, ready to give him the info he planned to tell Envy in exchange for his freedom. " I only seen him once so don't quote me on this; but I think I spotted Hoeinheim somewhere around-"

"Who said anything about that bastard show-pony?!"

Ed stopped speaking. Confusion washed over his face.

The last time a misadventure led him to the depths of the dungeon where the Hoeinheim look-alike had lived he was interrogated as to the whereabouts of his father.

What else could Envy want?

"Chibi, Chibi…" Envy said, kneeling back in front of Ed, only this time he crawled forward and over him till their foreheads were practically touching.

"What I desire from you is what your gang buddy desires…" Envy looked quickly around the room with a frown.

"…minus the torture chamber."

Ed's voice caught in his throat, eyes goggled at the homunculus that was invading his personal bubble.

"Wh-What?!"

Envy turned his head to look at Ed and he smiled evilly.

"I'm not giving you time to think!"

Envy quickly dragged Ed up from the ground with one arm like he was no heavier than a stuffed teddy bear and transformed one of his arms into the mother of all Gatling guns and burst out of the room, taking down gang members left and right.

Ed could barely see what was going on since he could only see the ground and Envy's back, forcing himself to look up he could see every person that fell as Envy ran past them, the gun's blast and the screams from fallen cut-throats pounded painfully in his ears and made his eyes water.

"Almost there, Chibi!" He managed to hear Envy yell in the fray. Ed felt Envy's grip on his waist tighten as the front door flew open to reveal the leader had returned.

"What the hell-!"

Instead of using his self-made behemoth, Envy simply kicked it into high gear off the floor, nearly loosing grip of poor Ed as he planted a solid kick into the man's face, knocking him flat as they both shot out the door.

--

Envy paused after running in many random directions, taking a turn where an ally rested between two shops nearest Central HQ.

"Not bad for a bad guy, eh Chibi?" Envy boasted, dropping Ed to the ground roughly.

Ed responded with a muffled **_oof_.**

After Ed managed to sit himself upright he decided never again would he try enlisting the help of the enemy. Envy laughed as Ed glared at him.

"You could have used a little less drama, you know."

Envy's laugh died down after a short time, and registered the bound blond with the same piercing gaze he'd adopted at the hideout.

Ed only looked at him with perplexity until his thoughts reminded him what the bargain for saving him was.

_'shit…'_

"Your turn to trade, Chibi." Envy said in a tone that spoke of dark promises Ed had yet to comprehend.

Ed's heart sped up as he scooted back from the alchemical monster.

_'He isn't seriously going to do anything in an open ally, is he?!'_

Yet the wicked smile begged to differ otherwise.

Ed gasped as his back hit cold concrete. Unfortunately he did say he would exchange something so he could be saved from becoming another rape victim.

Yet didn't that mean he'd gone from one rape to another?!

"Damnit!"Ed shouted, before shutting his eyes and mashing his teeth together, hoping for either a miracle or for Envy to make it quick and leave.

Then he felt something painful smack him on the forehead.

Ed yelped and opened his eyes to a delightful toothy grinning Envy with a finger extended like he'd flicked it at him.

"Your so damn easy, Chibi!" He laughed, turning that finger into a small knife and cutting the bonds that held his feet together.

"No, no…" Envy said breaking the rope and moving to the binding that held his arm against his side.

"I have no interest in being as low as that meat-head from earlier."

Ed blinked, muscles relaxing as he realized Envy was actually helping him. Envy extended a hand and Ed accepted it, getting up from the ground. Still on the suspicious side, Ed walked a few paces away to stretch his limbs. "Geeze you had me thinking you actually meant-"

"Don't expect this all the time though."

Ed hadn't expected the sudden movement, but sure enough that was Envy right in front of him, with his mouth smashed against his own.

Envy held the startled blond in that position, tongue diving in for exploration. He kept Ed like that for a long moment before releasing him.

"Next time you get into a spot like that I won't be so nice." Envy said before taking off to destinations unknown.

Still standing there like the medusa had paid him a visit, Ed shook the cobwebs from his head as his mind fought to think clearly.

_'Did he just _KISS_ me?!'_

Ed looked around the ally as if expecting witnesses to Envy's sudden display of affection. Spotting no one he proceeded to spit at the ground, muttering about how stupid Envy was. Regaining his composure Ed marched out of the ally and stomped his way to HQ, ignoring the greetings and questions about what happened to him.

Up above the city on a nearby building Envy kept his eyes on Ed until the said blond entered the building.

"Maybe sometime soon, Chibi." He muttered as he walked away from the edge of the building.

"Sometime soon."

End.


End file.
